Hindi naman ako magaling.
Just like you, I'm just doing my best.
Olá! It’s only been a week since I launched this newsletter, but I already find myself struggling to sustain it. For days, I’ve been thinking of any topic or story that I can write about or share with you. I read posts on Substack and other social media sites trying to seek inspiration, but my mind just goes blank.
I created this as an outlet for me to speak my thoughts, to share stories based on personal narratives hoping to inspire another human being, and to revive a forgotten interest. But, most of the time, I find it hard even to think. I just stare at my laptop screen for a long time, achieving nothing but an empty draft.
Other times, I find myself bombarded with ideas, but when I try to put them into words and letters, they disappear. Or sometimes, I can’t organize my thoughts that when I write, it’s just muddy. It’s a loop between writing and deleting, then writing again just to delete once more. Even now, I’m not even sure where this will lead. What am I even trying to say?
As I write this, I begin to ask, “Am I a fraud?” Am I just deceiving myself by thinking I might gain something out of this? Is this just another idea set to fail? Did I just set another expectation for myself that I cannot commit to? Maybe I’m an impostor, pretending to be something or someone I’m not. I often find myself clueless. I have no idea what I’m doing — even with life in general.
I’m aware I easily get overwhelmed with a lot of things that it affects my thought process negatively. Hindi naman ako magaling. I repeatedly told myself this many times.
Since the launch of this newsletter, some of you messaged me, telling me I write so well and that I even inspire you. I’m happy to know I’m able to do that. Somehow it fuels me to keep going. I get excited by the fact that someone out there reads what I put out; someone somewhere relates to what I’m saying and feeling. I will sound like a broken record, but I started this for myself just as a distraction, an avenue for me to let out my frustrations and to talk about my aspirations, to share little pieces of my being — the life stories, the lessons I’ve learned, the hardships and the triumphs — or I can just be babbling about anything under the sun.
I know it’s too early, but in the past few days, I already felt like giving up on this idea. Nothing comes to mind. But now, I may have just found another reason to keep this alive — I inspire people. How amazing is that? The stories I share make someone feel they belong. I get comfort when I find out someone also went through the same thing I did, whatever it may be. This is also why I’m a lover of conversations, because when I hear about other people’s stories, it makes me know I’m not alone. We all have a lot in common.
Hindi naman ako magaling. I have told myself this many times. Mostly borne out of the lack of self-confidence and that impostor syndrome. I get overwhelmed so easily by the pressure brought about by “being good” — when in the first place, I don’t believe I am. ‘Pano mo ba masasabing magaling ka nga talaga?
Hindi naman ako magaling. Just like everyone, I’m just trying. I still don’t have everything worked out. I don’t know where life will take me. Some say I’m still young, but I feel like I’m running out of time. What have I achieved so far?
Hindi naman ako magaling. Just like you, I’m just doing my best. I’m just trying to get by. I’ve had my fair share of mess-ups and failures. For several times, I already found myself giving up. You see, life didn’t come with instructions. But it came with multiple chances, and I’ll leverage on that.
Hindi naman ako magaling. Maybe I’m just good at pretending.
-Gen, Just doing his best
In this world where you can be anything, be gentle with yourself and others.
If you have any questions for me, or a suggestion on a topic you want me to talk about, feel free to message me. This is also a safe space for you to share your story if you want to, so don’t hesitate to drop me a chat 😉 Have a good life!